well the nyquil was to put myself to sleep and the 3 benadryl were cuz my nose looked swollen

At first I was like SUMMERTIME!

but then I was like threefreakingclassesandnobodyisaroundtoplaywithandIhavetomakemyselfdinnereverynightstillandihatethisstupidsummerschoolthingy

Dinner. It's my least favorite thing ever.  Because no matter what, I have to make myself either get up and go find food, or I have to actually make myself food and heavens why was the love for cooking not  put in my genetic code whilst being created in my mother's womb?  I hate it.  I hate trying to figure out if I can put feta cheese in my garlic rice-a-roni (I can't, it's so bad please don't try it you'll totally throw up because I almost did and I have a stomach of steel just kidding) It's really terrible.

And then I get my nightly or mostly nightly call, from my sister-in-law and we discuss life and the awesomeness of Amy Poehler... and she's like "Oh yah just making homemade hamburgers and french fries for dinner" and I want to be with her even more than I already do.  Because she's got that I Love Cooking gene.  So I could help out with dinner, I'm a great helper.  I should just be one of Santa's elfs because I love helping.  BUT I HATE MAKING MY OWN FOOD.

So on a daily basis we end up with a plain spinach salad dosed in dressing for breakfast, popcorn for lunch and probably chips and salsa for dinner.  Even then I stare at the fridge with complete repulsion.  I don't like what you have inside of you fridge.  I wish you had a fully prepared thai meal sitting in there.  But you don't, you have spinach and apples and salad dressing.  And for that reason I hate you.

Me, in a chef's outfit

I say tomato, you say stupid things

The things David Polk says to me sometimes are too funny NOT to write down.  So rather than remembering them mid-conversation with a random person, I will post it here for your entertainment.

The first time I realized that David struggles to find the correct word in context was when we were watching Winter's Bone.  It's a fascinating story of a girl who can't find her no-good father but needs to support her younger siblings and ailed mother.  It's set in this mountain terrain and it's gritty but the biggest (and only) misgivings I had on it was the obvious male dominated society of this rural area.  The first 20 minutes were unflinchingly cruel to the women of the town.  Some were hit, many were dismissed out of the men's sight when they had something important to say.  The men were controlling their wives, girlfriends, daughters etc.  Fear not, in the end some of those women stepped up but it was painful to watch for a bit.

Anyways, the funny part happens after I protest to a man hitting his wife across the face.  I loudly called him a rude name.  Because commentary on movies is one of my favorite cinematic past times.  David looks at me funny and after a few moments of silence says "You're really a womanizer.  I never knew that."

The fact that I am a womanizer is irrelevant.  It was totally out of context.  

"Why did you just call me a womanizer?"

Pause

"Wait. No sorry, I meant man-eater"

"Excuse me?  I am the farthest thing from a man-eater!"

As you can imagine, the movie fell by the wayside and David struggles to correct his grammar.  

"NO, no sorry you're not a man eater, I can't remember what the word is."

"Well where is man-eater even coming from??"

"No, I mean like, you're upset by the movie because they keep hitting girls"

"A feminist?  You really don't know the word for feminist?"

"Yah FEMINIST!  Sorry, I know what it is, I just forgot the right word"

It happens a lot to us.

Like the time we were driving and he out of nowhere looks at me with complete admiration and calls me "heartless".  Whoa, what?

"Yah, like you don't care what anyone thinks about you.  I know so many girls that obsess over how they look and you just don't care.  But in a good way."

I'm laughing too hard to respond

"Heartless isn't the right word is it?"

See the thing is, in both situations, I would have been really upset by the rude things he was calling me.  But trust me when I say, he isn't trying to be rude.  The guy literally cannot grasp the right words sometimes.  And it's hilarious.

The other day we got sushi and I couldn't read the T.V screen because I'm nearsighted and didn't have glasses or contacts in.  He called me "illiterate".  Which was actually very clever if he had actually meant to say that word.  Alas, he was trying to say something about my near sighted-ness.  

How can I not just laugh at him?  In a good way?  What is that called?

Last week I was dead asleep and my phone goes off with a text message from David.  I was so disoriented that I thought it was my alarm.  THIS IS NOT A JOKE.  I got up out of bed and started changing then grabbed my phone to check what time it was.  

12:35

I have 6 more hours until I need to get ready.

Geez

This is my text to him the next day:

This was his response:

OH and one time he told me he liked my high heels... But he wasn't impressed that I was walking around in them because Beyonce wears high heels and dances around in them.  

Never good enough apparently.

I'm Shipping Up to Boston

The first step is admitting to Houston that you have a problem

I need a "Whatever just leave me alone" sign. Until I find one, I'll just have to use my face.

You don't know what you have until it's gone.  That's how I'm feeling right now.  About my sister-in-law, my friend Karamea, the soda that I gave up to be healthy and such, my ability to do math in my head, David's phone that he lost so now I can't call or text him about coming over for ice cream whenever I want, my mom, my baby siblings who haven't been babies for a few years now, my perfectly red shade nail polish that hasn't been seen in weeks, and the mints that I keep next to my bed that I finished eating last night.  All gone.  Or lost, or just not around me right now.

I went to the DMV twice this week.  Actually 3 times.  The first time, it took me an hour to find the actual building, then of course, it was closed.  Hello Karma, we meet again.

Then I went the next day, to another DMV, and it really wasn't too bad.  Except the lady was really rude and made frowny eyebrows at me.  Which I took with a grain of salt since frowny eyebrows are one of my specialties anyways.  We were sort of soul sisters, in the sense that we understood that neither of us wanted to be here, talking to each other and making frowny eyebrows at each other.  Alas, we completed the task of registering my car to Utah.  I got the license plates with arches in the background.  Highlight of my day.

Then I went to the dentist and finished my root canal.  UGH!  Root canal, more like Pollute Morale.  But now I have what I call a "Zombie Tooth" in my mouth, and it's not so bad, trying to get comfortable and settled.  

Speaking of settling, how is Ann?

I went to my baby neice's first birthday party in Orem, my tongan family threw it, so of course it was epic, there was a bouncy house inside the church building.  And so MUCH CANDY. 

 

Raise of hands who approve this as a great wedding centerpiece idea?

 Baby Victoria!  Look at this kid.  SO CHUBBY! SO CUTE! SO STYLISH!

I'm off to make some recipes from Pinterest.  Because I have been making the same foods for months now.  Chicken salad, wheat pasta with Prego, canned soup, candy, and nachos.  Figured I should mix it up a little bit.  I promise you guys will never find a recipe on this blog.  Unless it's a recipe for disaster.  Boom

Don't trust a bro

Don't touch my hair.  I will cut you.

So Karamea

We talk almost everyday

Via texting and facebook

We have been discussing which men sound most like Liam Neeson if he was to sing.  

You know what? Never mind, I'll just take some of the gems we discuss and post a few on here now:

• ps, i met an rm who said his goal this semester is to not date or kiss a girl.
• WHAT A WEIRDO RIGHT?
  
  
  • [this guy's] top 3 criteria is 3 Fs: feet, face, and faith.
  • yikesssss. a bit concerned that feet are a priority
    
    
    i also stayed up until 10pm watching the muppets of oz instead of doing homework. my life is so glamorous!!! (and yes, i used fergie's song to help me spell that).
    • 
      
    • • • • My friend's status: Satan can just go to Hell. Oh wait...
        • 
          
        • 
          

          • WHAT THE SWEAR WORD? are you serious?!
            
            
             she said she was too bad of a girl for him, he didn't deserve her. which is totally my line.
            
            

• • Kelsea: hahaha oh my gosh, you need an ad around byuh with the picture of a jacket and a caption "PLEASE take me on a date, i will get $10 and then I can buy this jacket!" I bet people in provo do that stuff all the time
• 
  

  • Kara: HAHAHAH
  • oh my heck. that just might do it.
• 
  

  • Kelsea: some cool guy will think you're so clever. and then he will end up being charming and you'll marry him and keep the ad as a memory in your journal
• 
  

  • Kara: hahah you put too much confidence in me.
  • but wouldnt that be amazing?
  • like nicholas sparks-amazing?
    
    
    
    
    and a personal favorite: "Some SCUMBAG posted the ending to this week's Glee episode on facebook already"
    
    Who even say's scumbag anymore?  It's so fabulous
    
    
    
    
    
    And she sends me video's like this all day:
    
    
    Warning: It's super creepy, do not watch if you are prone to nightmares about stalking cats.  Like Moi
    
    

    
    

pouting, sulking, sighing, mumbling, rolling my eyes... its how i detox

"Coke Please!" "Is Pepsi ok?" "Is Monopoly money ok?"

I'm like an elephant, OK? If I walk into a room, it's like OK, she's in there

So, Kendall and I go to BYU campus, and everyone there is smiling and the cute guys wave at us when we stop for them to cross the road.  And the little sister is in amazement.  Did I know people could be so nice??  So I try to justify it.

"See, here is the thing, those guys are waving at you cuz you're cute and they think to themselves 'hey, that girl in that car could be my eternal companion, I should smile at her.'  And that is how they trick you into marrying them!"

Cynical, no?

Because people at the U don't smile and wave at you when you stop in the street for them.

So, the question is, do I prefer nicer people that wave to me, or the rude people who ignore my kind gesture and don't realize that I am more than capable of running them over and feeling zero remorse?  (I'd probably get arrested but just bare with me on this one)

When the little sister and I met up with father's old friend, he asked how we liked the U and the little sister confessed, the people are nicer here at BYU campus than at the U campus.  We had talked about transferring to BYU and he looked at me and asked why I didn't like BYU more than the U. 

"Because, I guess I like my people rougher.   I like the ones that don't wave at me"

Because sometimes, I am a cold hearted woman.

And I am totally cool with that

No, doctor, it’s not a cute pain, and this is no time for flirting.

FULL DISCLOSURE:  I wrote this post about 2 months ago, I don't remember why I never posted it but I'm feeling lazy and now I have a back-up in my "drafts" folder and these are all gems so I'm posting them later rather than never.  Enjoy.


I started off thinking I would write about facebook but that somehow turned into a rant about a guy and regrets and boy oh boy that was weird and you are so glad right now that I have spared you those few paragraphs.

Instead, I will tell you about my new grudge against Meg Ryan.  I first experienced Meg in Anastaia, her breathy voice is what I wanted to grow up and sound like.  Unbeknowist at the time, I thought she was just a voice actor.  Then a few years ago I watched In The Land of Women with Adam Brody.  And you know what?  She did really well in it.  She was emotional and raw and I really liked her twisted and confused character.  About 2 years ago I had the IMMENSE pleasure of seeing When Harry Met Sally.  I mean you hear about it and it sounds stupid.  And two friends who eventually realize they are in love? So dumb! And then the story unfolds before me and I LOVEEEd it.  Too much maybe... I finally let myself just love love stories instead of being ironic.

Last week when I was sick I travelled downtown to rent a movie from Blockbuster. I know right? Who does that anymore?  I was so proud that they were still going strong(ish) and I browsed a few sections before deciding on Kate & Leopold because the idea of a chivalrous 18th century man* coming to modern day was just the most brilliant idea (while I was drugged up). UGH sooo disappointing!  The plot line was just all over the place, the romance part was way too short, and in the end Meg Ryan gives up her Vice President job to go back to the 18th century with a man she's known for less then a week! what?!  No, no, no.  She is gonna hate that she can't email anyone (cough cough Tom Hanks) and the fact that she can't wear those awful pantsuits she wore all throughout the movie.

*Hugh Jackman was almost too convincing.  The accent and the chivalry and the tallness.  I would totally consider going back to the 18th century with him.  But just for a little bit.

So, slightly unsatisfied I told Karamea that I was disappointed with Meg.  She told me basically to shut it and watch You've Got Mail.  So I return Kate & Leopold, and rent You've Got Mail and Sleepless In Seattle.  The guy at the register asked how old I was and when I said 20 he wanted to know why I was watching "these crappy 90s movies".  I said "Cuz Meg Ryan deserves some mad respect".

And why does this have to be the most depressing
tag line to a movie poster?  

I HATE that the blockbuster register guy was right.

What is this?  You've Got Mail, she ditches her boyfriend for Tom Hanks via somewhat slutty email corespondents.  And Tom Hanks is not dreamy enough for that kind of action! And then Sleepless In Seattle.  Were they going for an Oscar win on this?  Why is she yearning for a guy on the radio.  You don't know if he's even attractive, or even a good guy.  What if he's some homeless, toothless hobo who lives on the streets?  But Meg pines for Tom Hanks for an hour and a half and nobody is even around to see me roll my eyes every 5 seconds.  What a waste.  And then they meet and they are all awkward, and I bet Meg is like "shoot, like he's cute but I came all the way to New York for Tom Hanks?  I think I've done this before!"

Basically Nora Ephron is my least favorite writer at the moment and I'm upset that Tom Hanks was so popular with the ladies.  Because that is Hugh Jackman's job.  And Robert Downey Jr.  Whom I married in my dream last night. Again.