The things David Polk says to me sometimes are too funny NOT to write down. So rather than remembering them mid-conversation with a random person, I will post it here for your entertainment.
The first time I realized that David struggles to find the correct word in context was when we were watching Winter's Bone. It's a fascinating story of a girl who can't find her no-good father but needs to support her younger siblings and ailed mother. It's set in this mountain terrain and it's gritty but the biggest (and only) misgivings I had on it was the obvious male dominated society of this rural area. The first 20 minutes were unflinchingly cruel to the women of the town. Some were hit, many were dismissed out of the men's sight when they had something important to say. The men were controlling their wives, girlfriends, daughters etc. Fear not, in the end some of those women stepped up but it was painful to watch for a bit.
Anyways, the funny part happens after I protest to a man hitting his wife across the face. I loudly called him a rude name. Because commentary on movies is one of my favorite cinematic past times. David looks at me funny and after a few moments of silence says "You're really a womanizer. I never knew that."
The fact that I am a womanizer is irrelevant. It was totally out of context.
"Why did you just call me a womanizer?"
Pause
"Wait. No sorry, I meant man-eater"
"Excuse me? I am the farthest thing from a man-eater!"
As you can imagine, the movie fell by the wayside and David struggles to correct his grammar.
"NO, no sorry you're not a man eater, I can't remember what the word is."
"Well where is man-eater even coming from??"
"No, I mean like, you're upset by the movie because they keep hitting girls"
"A feminist? You really don't know the word for feminist?"
"Yah FEMINIST! Sorry, I know what it is, I just forgot the right word"
It happens a lot to us.
Like the time we were driving and he out of nowhere looks at me with complete admiration and calls me "heartless". Whoa, what?
"Yah, like you don't care what anyone thinks about you. I know so many girls that obsess over how they look and you just don't care. But in a good way."
I'm laughing too hard to respond
"Heartless isn't the right word is it?"
See the thing is, in both situations, I would have been really upset by the rude things he was calling me. But trust me when I say, he isn't trying to be rude. The guy literally cannot grasp the right words sometimes. And it's hilarious.
The other day we got sushi and I couldn't read the T.V screen because I'm nearsighted and didn't have glasses or contacts in. He called me "illiterate". Which was actually very clever if he had actually meant to say that word. Alas, he was trying to say something about my near sighted-ness.
How can I not just laugh at him? In a good way? What is that called?
Last week I was dead asleep and my phone goes off with a text message from David. I was so disoriented that I thought it was my alarm. THIS IS NOT A JOKE. I got up out of bed and started changing then grabbed my phone to check what time it was.
12:35
I have 6 more hours until I need to get ready.
Geez
This is my text to him the next day:
This was his response:
OH and one time he told me he liked my high heels... But he wasn't impressed that I was walking around in them because Beyonce wears high heels and dances around in them.
Never good enough apparently.
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