I am starting to hyperventilate and I’m not wearing a stretchy fabric!

Trust me, you want to laugh at my Friday.

The "black Friday of October" is what I am calling it.  A Friday that will go down in infamy as a completely miserable day of disgusting and rude Karma.  Now Brenn and I have firmly established that Karma is indeed a bad word that starts with "B" and rhymes with witch.  Karma was the fat girl in school who grew up to rule the universe in consequences, and sometimes she takes out her anger of high school outcasted-ness on those of us just trying to make it to the weekend.

So I wake up and Karma is not on my side.  I yawn and crack the side of my lip open causing extreme pain.  Then I bite into an apple and the roof of my mouth has been magically cut, so, um ouch!  Then I check my email and hey, my professor wrote me back about my thesis statement I sent in yesterday.  Oh, it says he doesn't like it, rewrite it and clarify also come see him before class to discuss it further.  Ugh so I take out my massive Norton Anthology of Theory and Criticism, wipe away angry tears* and try to write a clear thesis about Aristotle's view on tragedy as representation of humanity and why we enjoy tragedy.
*Dramatization, did not actually occur

I type it out and email it to myself so I can go print it off downstairs in the computer lab. Walk downstairs and the computer lab is closed!  It's never closed.  Something was wrong with today.  So I wait at the shuttle stop and oh my lanta, it took 10 minutes and I was going to be late meeting my professor if I did not get a move on.  So I decide to walk instead, guaranteeing an extra 10 minutes but I can't wait any longer for the shuttle.  I can print my thesis out at the computer lab in the library, next to the professors office but I will still be late.  I am never late for almost anything!  Today was kind of messed up.

As I'm walking down the path I decide, hey I can just write out my thesis as I'm walking to his office.  So I rummage through my bag for a pen.  And curse words galore came out of my filthy mouth when I realized I had no pen or pencil.  I always have a pen or pencil.  Which means I do, in fact need to go to the computer lab and there was zero chance of making it on-time to see my professor, I would just have to see him after class.  So I click "print" on the computer when I finally get that thesis out, text a friend whom is in a near-by class for a pencil and walk to the printer to get my single sheet of paper.
The top line is cut-off.
I have to go back, log back on to the computer, re-find my email, re-copy and paste it, re press print and make sure it's down the page.  Also my mouth was filthy again, muttering terrible, shameful words.  Finally it is printed, of course finding the friend who was giving me a pencil was a scavenger hunt, and get to class huffing and puffing.

I write out a page of notes, look over my thesis that I was going to give to the professor.  It was the wrong thesis.  I had emailed myself the wrong thesis.  Very dramatically I crumpled up my paper and threw it in my bag, then wrote out the thesis that made minimal sense out on regular paper.  After class the professor and I walk to his office and he is asking me about Aristotle and what he meant and how catharsis works and that "tragic flaw" is not a correct term.  I keep thinking to myself  "Wow, what is the female equivalent of emasculation, cause that is what is happening right now."  I lost all dignity on that walk of shame to his office.  I had no idea what Aristotle was trying to say.  I thought I did, my professor told me to read in between the lines.  It was hard enough reading the lines!  I walked away feeling femasculated.

So it's 12 'o clock and my day has been terrible.  It was like a Monday, but it was Friday, I should have been excited.  I just wanted to lock myself up in my room.  A few hours later, I decided to suck it up and head to Target, retail therapy always made me feel better.  So I drive extremely carefully because today would be the one day I get in an accident.  Whew, I get to Target with no scratches and find my stuff fairly easily and put my basketful of goodies on the checkout belt.  It's all loaded and I look through my bag and LAUGH.  Because guess what people?  No wallet.

The check-out girl (who has an auburn afro and is twilight pale)  tells me, no problem she's just gonna keep the receipt and come back to her when I get my wallet.  Target is over 15 minutes away from my apartment.  Well, what the heck, I don't have anything to do for the next few hours anyways.  I drive home and right before I get to my street, realize rush hour traffic is beginning.  I give up on today.

I didn't go back to Target, I made myself a salad and decided to watch Grey's Anatomy season 2.  I had a surprise in my salad though.  Almost put it in my mouth:

It was like a freakin lady bug.  I mean I never get skirmish with bugs, but it would have crunched!  I like Lion King and it's cute when they eat grub, but this was crossing the line!

Sigh.