Jean Ralphio- Dance Up On Me!

Dedicated to the man that I wish I had around me every minute of everyday... though I wouldn't actually want to be friends with him.

Bragging is my Greatest Accomplishment

I won a caption contest... again!

Here is the sitch.  I love television.  There are some really crappy shows out there and there are some fabulous ones.  SO when I get an opportunity to write about a show I love I take it.  Like the caption contest above.  Or the other caption contest I won a few months back.  Now out of context both may seem odd, crass, maybe even stupid.  But if you watch the shows you have to agree, I basically nailed it.

So on the eve of receiving this wonderous news that I won a caption contest, I was also told that I will now be a part-time tv blogger for http://www.gossip-girl-episodes.com/ and http://www.greys-anatomy-episodes.com/  I get to dish my opinions about Gossip Girl and Grey's Anatomy into cyber space!  On a really (not really) legit blog about television.  Shootin for the stars people.

The point is that I get to write, something to put on a resume because this blog does not count.  So in a few weeks, if you're bored and you enjoy GG or GA check out my writing skillzz.

And before bros, churros

So I tricked myself into eating eggs this week.  It gives me hope to do this, for my future family's sake.  If I can scramble some eggs into fried rice then I can honestly tell my children that they must also eat eggs.  This is assuming that they get my genes and hate the smell, taste and texture of eggs.





I got really sick on Wednesday, I actually blacked out in the middle of class and I'm sure I looked comical when my head slammed down on my desk. Who doesn't appreciate a good laugh now and then? I do.  I giggled when I came around because I had about 5 people that I didn't know hovering around me.  "Pleaseee don't call the hospital, I just forgot to eat this morning"  Though I'm not sure I would have minded if they sent firefighters in to carry me out.  In hindsight, bad decision.  ALWAYS play damsel in distress if it means being carried out by a fireman.  Learned that one from Modern Family.


So I wonder if this is a normal thing or just a fluke, but you would assume when you go to the doctors that people that work there would be sympathetic.  I mean if I'm at the doctors, obviously I have some sort of sickness or injury and I'm not at my best.  But one of the ladies at the counter told me very condesendinly that I was 15 minutes late.  To which i replied "Oh ya well I threw up as I was walking out the door so... ya know".  That seemed to shut her up.


Communal laundry rooms can be awkward, like when you get on the elevator and suddenly the most important thing in the world is what level your on at that exact moment.  Well laundry rooms are more awkward, because you can ignore each other but you can't ignore the fact that the girl is pulling out grandma panties and a training bra even though we are in college and how is that even physically possible?  Anyways,  someone eased the tension this past laundry trip.  I take half credit because if I did not have the ensemble I had on this conversation never would have taken place:
Guy: Watermelon pajamas AND watermelon painted toes?

Me (thinking to myself this guy is way to observative and I really should not wear my pjs anywhere but my room) Um ya
Guy: I assume you like watermelons
Me: Actually no, not my favorite fruit but they sure are cute!
Guy: Good point
Me: ( a tad late on this but...) you know what they say about assuming
Guy laughs
I walk out not sure if I am pleased or just feeling awkward


And sometimes I just make mistakes, and I'm not sure if it's okay or not.  Like when I took my pain medication and then said my prayers and was a little loopy.  Now tell me straight up, is it blasphemy to say this: "and thank you for the drugs i've been given"....... "wow sorry"  ???
Awaiting my punishment for that one


Hilarious facebook mistakes
I wanted to pick just one from this website but honestly... they were all pretty amazing

Unfortunately I'm not in contact with any of the guys that made fun of me when I was little. Probably cause I beat them all up

yup

It's like my heart is trying to hug my brain!

That title, stolen from my favorite show of all time (bold claim but you'll understand in a moment), 30 Rock.  Because Tina Fey is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  Anyways, back to the title, used in a mass text to close friends, was how I described the feeling of having a Red Bull first thing in the morning.  Hey, those Red Bull girls were driving by the bus stop at 8 in the morning and asked if we wanted some.  First of all, I had to question why I didn't have that job.  Then two hours later realized that would be detrimental to my health based on my legs pumping up in down for 6 hours of classes, along with what I can only assume were symptoms of ADD: short attention span, thinking of several different things at one time and a distinct feeling that my heart was trying to hug my brain because it was just pumping really loudly like it needed extra attention.

How I feel when I drink Red Bull

However, we can't stop at just Red Bull for the reason for this title.  I feel like it's my thesis statement for this past week.  Oh man I have been writing so many different papers every week for school everything is related to english classes in life.  Like one big metaphor. AAHHH stopping now.


So I got to go to Northern California again because I just can't get enough of that place I guess.  HA, ok it's not terrible but I went for the sake of my brother's first football game of the season and even though Kaulin had been hurt he looked sooo good in his uniform out on that field.  And my brother Kameron, HE GOT TO PLAY AND HE HIT A GUY REALLY HARD AND GOT A FOUL FOR IT I DON'T UNDERSTAND FOOTBALL BUT DID YOU SEE IT?!! So aahhhmazing.

How to top off this weekend of football and seeing my family who of course just randomly showed up, it's how my family rolls and also seeing my lovely sister-in-law?  Well, this one will throw you for a loop.  Because instead of partying hard core like I always do (my sarcasm is off the hook right now), I got to go to an amazing fellas baptism Monday night.  This fella I speak of is of course, Brian Schwenke, who usually only goes by his last name mostly cause it's super duper fun to say.  He plays for the Cal Bears as well and is the biggest, baddest and sweetest guy out on the field.  (Careful though, his dry sarcasm bites).

numero 57... That guy he is blocking is not going anywhere

Now my brother Kameron texted me about 3 days before the baptism to tell me I am giving one of the talks... on baptism.  This is where we now tie in the heart hugging the brain thesis statement.  I haven't spoken to a crowd in this type of setting for over 2 years.  I mean I get a little flustered with friends if I start to tell a story and realize more then 4 people are looking at me.  Now the fate of Schwenke's baptism mood is rested on me.  Well at least that's what I convinced myself of.

oh false, I did make a quick announcement at the wedding to a large crowd but I'm positive I stuttered and stared at the light straight ahead of me

The night before we had a pre-birthday party for Kaulin since his birthday was the week after we left.  Princess-themed.


Brenn of course was lovely and forced us all to say 3 things we love about Kaulin which added up to 24 things, because he is turning 24.  Well of course Schwenke was a part of it and as everyone cried shamelessly, Brian held strong and informed us that he has not cried in about 8 years.  He was a tough cookie to crack.  (By the way, this information is foreshadowing). OH MY GOSH it's like literary tourettes!


Well, Monday night comes along, I put on my mom's best skirt and her new sweater, do some breathing exercises and think of anything besides the talk I have to give.  Not the best idea, I really should have practiced it.  Any how, we get to the church house, everyone sits down and we start to have a lovely opening.  Then the big moment comes.  No, not the actual baptism but my talk.  Boy, oh boy was I nervous.  It went pretty well though.  I mustered up a serious voice with only a slight tremble.  And I said what I needed to say, and sat down sweating bullets with my face on fire.


The big moment came and Schwenke got in that font with Kameron, and they both did it like they were rock stars.  But you know, in a really calm, sweet and spiritual way.  After the rest of the program, Brian got up to bear his testimony.  I started to cry and when he paused I thought "this is the moment", but instead he scolded me for crying.  Guess what people?  It got to him ANYWAYS.  After all was said and done, the hugging and the lei and handshakes, Brian Max Schwenke Jr. shed some tears like a true man.

Yes indeed.  Quite a successful 4 day weekend, including some alone time with sister-in-law.

Apparently I grab Brenn's arm when I want her attention... And she laughs with her hand in front of her face to show off her ring

Boys are like Slinkys... useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs

Here’s looking at you, kid

To have and to hold.  Oh to fallinlove.  Romeo and Juliet. Harry and Sally.  Jack and Rose.  Johnny and June.  Brenn and Kaulin.

Cue the romantic music.  It doesn't matter specifically.  In fact, its probably better for you to pick your own favorite song and turn it on. Right now.

The days leading up to the wedding? Not my finest.  Stressed, upset, cranky.  I vaugely remember a funny moment.  When I was sitting in rush hour traffic after picking up flowers and cake (together it was like freakin Mission Impossible 4), I turned on Beyonce's new song, Best Thing I Never Had.  All I could think was, "This song was probably made to help a woman get through a tough break-up.  But its getting me through this tough traffic."  In hindsight, it's not even that funny.  But it got me to smile.  So I didn't drive off a cliff. 

But then the morning came.  And Brenn was up, fidgety and looking a little crazy-eyed (not normal B behavior).  She got her hair did.  Then the make-up.  Then the dress.  And OH MY LANTA.  That girl cleans up realll nice.  Did I cry when she walked out of my room in all her glory?  Yes.  But I won't answer that, its far too personal of a question. 

Kaulin came around the corner, all suited up and spiffy.  And yes, he gave me a thumbs up when he saw his blushing bride. (She blushes a lot by nature.)  See, I was on the excursion when Brenn went dress shopping months ago.  So when we saw her in this dress, which made her look like she had a nice, round booty, I knew that is all my oldest brother could ask for on his wedding day.  He very much approved.  Don't I know him so well?

For a quick moment, I will be sentimental.  Seeing my oldest brother marry one of my best friends in the Laie temple.  That was a life moment to me.  I didn't cry at the time.  But rest assured I did eventually.  Sometimes... it makes the hard parts of life worth living.  That is what that day was for me.  Not just a memory, but a good, solid remembrance of what life has to offer us.  It's not even about the romance though.  It's about seeing two people who have worked hard on their relationship.  They deserve that day.

Aaand I'm back. Whew... cried a little bit writing that.  If it hasn't been mentioned, I can cry a lot.  It doesn't seem too obvious but its something I do.


I looked fabulous in my bridesmaids dress. 

I know what your thinking. It wasn't my best hair day.

From 6 am till 11 pm I was going.  Coordinate, organize, be charming (that one was pretty effortless), and most of all make sure everyone was having a grand old time.  I'm totally kidding, I helped but not a lot, it was mostly my mom and her friends and my grandmother and aunt.  I mostly just smiled and winked at the camera all day.  BUT I was awake at 6 and I didn't go to sleep till 12 so I was pretty exhausted.  It's the price you pay to have a goooorgeous new sister-in-law.  

Do I Feel Lucky? Well, do ya?

Apart from twisting my ankle and having my mother yell at me about my room, its been a pretty lame day. Why, you may ask?
Well that's very polite of you to care to ask.


I am under a curse at the moment.  Heavens, if only I lived in Harry Potter Land and found a counter-curse for this curse, I would share that secret with you.  But, alas, I live in not-Potter-Land and I must face reality.  And in this reality I am cursed.  What do you do when you are under a week long curse? Find a way to laugh.


I've always been good at making myself laugh.  I'm my own #1 entertainer.  


When I am under the curse that I am under, I usually have one of two options. 


Option number one: just like every other woman who does not live in England and attended Hogwarts, I deal with my curse in a horrible, shameful manner.  I become a witch.  But not like Hermione. No.  I don't become intelligent and helpful.  I turn into the wicked witch of the west.  (Ya, Wizard of Oz reference).  I ride around on a broomstick, yelling, kicking dogs, trying to kill innocent Dorthys of the world. 

Option numero dos: I cry
A LOT


Normally it's option 1.  I've decided that I like option 2 better.  Simply because when I start crying while I'm cursed, I also am laughing at myself.  I can't laugh at myself when I turn into a witch, cuz lets be honest, it's not funny.  


I don't really have a choice in the matter, it depends on my brain I guess.  We all know that thing isn't very reliable.  


This past curse has a story that is extremely entertaining (lucky you!)  
So Harry Potter came out this weekend. (Oh is that why I've been shamelessly making Potter references?)  Obviously everyone has seen it.  So you won't mind when I tell you I got quite emotional during many of the scenes.  That wasn't the terrible part.  


The day after I watch the end of the most amazing series of my life, I got emotional.  And not in a quietly-thinking-to-myself-how-to-go-on, but in a curled-up-in-the-fetal-position-on-my-bed way.  I was sobbing.  SOBBING!  I couldn't stop crying.  I laid in bed and tried to take deep breaths, open my airways and calm down.  But then it came right back to me, Fred died! Snape was an angel who lived the most tragic life EVER!  I couldn't go on.  I felt I wasn't being dramatic enough, so I stood up, looked at my bed, gasped dramatically and let my knees buckle and fell back on to my bed sobbing.  

Nut job right?  

Thankfully, I was fully aware that I was being insane so I laughed at myself after I fell back on the bed.  Still, it didn't change the fact that when I got on the internet a few hours later and saw that Jennifer Lopez is getting a divorce, I fell apart again.  I have dark, saggy circles under my eyes from crying all night.  Once I think of something sad, it can turn into an evil snowball of sadness.  Why did Gerald Butler have to die in P.S I Love You?  Why couldn't Sirius Black have lived?  Why could nobody ever find Waldo? Or Carmen Sandiego? 

Yes I cried today.  I was upset with my messy room and twisted ankle.  And my toenail just isn't growing in right.  But fortunately my curse will be over with and I can and will enjoy laughing at myself. Which, have I mentioned, is one of my greatest talents?